Better
by potatoes-are-not-for-sex
Summary: Prompt: Dan and phil broke up. Months later they both separately go to vidcon/playlist and bump into each other.


_**Better**_

It's not as if Phil hadn't been expecting this. Despite everything, he'd never unsubscribed to Dan's videos, and after one particularly pathetic night of ice cream, wallowing and hours spent on Dan's YouTube page, he knew that Dan still followed his videos too. But still, logic had given way to the safety of ignorance, muffling the tweets and the posts about vidcon- it was unavoidable but Phil had planned on ignoring it for as long as possible. Until now.

"Phil." Dan's voice is barely louder than a whisper, the surprise and discomfort evidently shared between them. They stand in the hotel foyer, large bags in tow, weary and jet lagged, face to face for the first time in three months.

"Hey Dan!" Phil aimed for confident and composed but the squeak at the end of his ex-boyfriends name falls into a more desperate tone.

Dan. Complete with his old backpack that needed replacing two years ago, adventure time shirt and black skinny jeans- as if nothing had changed between them.

They stand there a moment in silence, before Phil continues, "How are you?" Dan grins and a glimpse of the happiness that used to fill his lips surfaces, but only for a moment.

"I'm okay! Not bad- I don't know if you saw but I've reached-"

"-five million subscribers, yeah I saw." There's a stale pause that hangs between them a moment too long. "Congratulations?"

"Thanks! And you too, I've already seen some crazy phillions at the airport, your new t-shirts look great."

"Thanks, and you too."

The awkward dance of reunion.

Phil suddenly realizes what he might have sounded like and coughs loudly, "Wait- I mean like your new shirts, they look good and stuff, not you. Not that you don't look good! You look fine. Better than fine, I-"

He's waiting for Dan to cut him off, stop his embarrassing rambling so they can laugh it off, Dan commenting on how his muscle development is coming on, Phil suggesting he might look better if he learnt to use a belt- but then he remembers that this is not like before. There's no more Dan and Phil and laughter, love, _them. _There's Dan and then there's Phil; and that's it.

His mouth dry and void of words, Phil pulls out his keycard and information package, and makes a gesture in the general direction of the elevators.

"I'd better go get to my room and unpack, I guess I'll see you at the dinner?"

"Guess I will. Maybe we could sit on the same table?"

"Maybe."

Half-raising his hand in goodbye, Phil turns swiftly and walks away, his bag awkwardly bumping along behind him. It's easier this way, not to actually say goodbye, keeping the memories of the empty flat, the door left slightly ajar, the smell of Dan, of his hair and his clothes and his skin, staining every surface in every room, so Phil couldn't even curl up on the couch and muffle out the world with pillows and linen.

Phil's room is nice- nicer than last year. There's a view of the river and when he opens up the balcony, there's a soft breeze to cools his skin, whip behind his hair and sting in the corners of his eyes. He doesn't stay out there long.

The hotel is the same one they always use for VidCon, it must just be that the rooms are more spacious when there's only one bed, one suitcase shoved in the corner, one jumper and scarf already tossed carelessly onto the sideboard.

There's still two chairs though, two glasses and two sets of towels in the bathroom.

"I still don't remember."

Phil doesn't hear the door open, but at the sound of Dan's voice he jolts so hard he nearly falls over, but Dan makes no move to go help him. Instead, he stands just inside the doorway, quizzical expression pointedly questioning Phil, who has managed to regain his footing and decides not to ask why or how he was followed.

"Don't remember what Dan?" It comes out just as exasperated as he felt, and it's hard to regret anything about the honesty of his exhaustion.

"I don't remember what was so bad about us?" Dan remains motionless, the small rise and fall of his chest the only sign of life as his wide eyes watch Phil, follow his figure as it sits down on the edge of the bed, as he flattens out the corner of the floral sheets.

Phil didn't need this. He'd done all this, the regret, the lament of wasted time, and broken his heart open night after night for the past three months.

"We weren't happy together, it happens Dan, we just need to-"

"Are you happy now?" Dan moves closer, just a little, but it's enough to make the hair along Phil's arms stand on end.

_Am I happy?_ It's hardly a simple question, just because Phil's been a wreak doesn't mean that they shouldn't have gone their separate ways.

"No." The answer is stronger than his logic and beats him to the mark.

"I'm not happy either. I miss you Phil, I can't sleep, I can't eat," He pauses to grin slightly at Phil's derisive snort, "It's true! Everything tastes wrong and feels wrong and I wake up and it's just.."

"Wrong?" Phil doesn't mean to sound sarcastic, but the fall of Dan's face is evidence enough of how he sounded. "No! I mean, yes, it's wrong, I mean- yeah."

Dan looks up at him once more.

"Yeah?"

Phil nods.

"Yeah."

There's a shift as the weight of the room slides slowly off their necks and settles somewhere slinking around the ankles of the bed, sulking at the sudden compromise. Dan walks over more steadily and sits on the bed beside Phil.

"I miss you Phil. I can't for the life of me work out how this could be better than anything we were together." Phil is about to reply, in agreement with Dan for the first time in far too long, but Dan cuts him off, too frightened of refutation to see the sheen of Phil's eyes, his hand slightly outstretched in the hope of reaching Dan's.

"I mean it, I'd do anything Phil, anything! I won't talk about us in videos, if that makes you uncomfortable, and I'll make sure we both do shopping and that I don't leave my clothes everywhere and anything you want, but please don't go again, don't leave, I don't think I could bear it Phil," The words are tumbling out now, and Phil doesn't see how he could even try to stop them, "I don't want to make you do something you'd hate or even pretend something that isn't true! All I know is I love you, Phil, I really do. More than anything I've ever known and even though all these weeks without you, it's been the truest thing I've been able to say to myself. I love you. I love you, Phil, everything about you." Dan pauses, as if dumbstruck by his own words. And then, "I can go. If you want me to, I will. But I'll wait for you, if you ever want me, or even if you just need me, I'll be waiting and I'll never stop if you just-"

Suddenly trying to fathom why he hadn't done so earlier, Phil's outstretched hand gripped Dan's hip firmly and he leant forwards, kissing the only person he could ever love, hard and long. There's no room for confusion or apology between their lips, only incessant, unadulterated love. Phil pulls back, reluctantly relinquishing the sensation of Dan, but his hand stays and he pulls Dan close, tucking the brown hair beneath his chin, the unshed tears eventually melting back behind his lashes.

"I love you too, always."

It's several heartbeats later when Dan pipes up, smothered by Phil's arms, latched firmly around him, as if making up for months of missed hugs all in the one moment.

"Are we going to be okay?" It's a small plea, but it's steady and it's united.

"I like the way you say 'we'."

They both like the way there's no answer- it's not a matter of okay or not, happy or sad, it's about where they belong- who belongs by their side.

In the end, it's a simple enough decision.

They're better together.

* * *

_From Tumblr: I have a prompt :) Dan and phil broke up. Months later they both separately go to vidcon/playlist and bump into each other, extremely awkward at first but they both realise how much they still love each other and get back together :3 x_

Hope you liked it! :D See you soon (as soon as the next chapter of CBBH and BoE actually get finished o_o)

xxx panfs


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